So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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