My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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