get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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