Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
