Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
