just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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