i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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