all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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