Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
