I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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