A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
