life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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