Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
