So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
