Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
