He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
