Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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