i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It all started with a game of naked twister.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
