Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
