I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
