WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
