Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
