During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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