Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
