You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
