Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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