all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
