i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
