Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
