WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
