i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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