My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The ass gains better be worth it
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