Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize