Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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