There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
