I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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