We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
