Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
