Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize