There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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