i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
