How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
