Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize