I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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