Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
