2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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