i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize