Have you finally orgasmed yet?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
