Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
