this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize