my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
