So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
