Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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