Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
