he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize