Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he thought i was a dude.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
