I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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