He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
