I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
