I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
