Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize