I wish my penis had an off switch
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
