I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
