I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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