i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
