why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
