I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
