it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
