if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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